


Thorns

by kgbucky (JuliaJMD)



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captasha - Freeform, F/M, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:53:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2953058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaJMD/pseuds/kgbucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Requested by frostirongamma: I want to see Natasha yell at Steve when he tries to comfort her after something from her past comes up, and he just comes up to her and hugs her, but she’s got tears in her eyes and she’s smacking him but she can’t manage to get him off until she finally gives in and embraces him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorns

They were all wounds inside her, wounds that slowly opened with a word, a sound, a taste, a feeling. Slowly, they teased her, mocked her for being so soft, for being affected by them and she hated that. Natasha was in constant suffering, she was always in pain and no one was there for her, to hold her, to make her feel like she was safe. After all, how could they know? Her facade was too good for any of them to note anything was out of place.

She'd always blamed the Red Room for what she felt, for being torn inside, but always failed to see her part in all of that. She was still the little girl chained to the room, she was still bou'2 1nd by the invisible chains. Maybe it was all her own fault.

The chair beneath her felt almost too comfortable, and she could still feel the pain on her feet when she watched the Russian ballerinas dance on the stage, looking as if they were floating. The melodies composed by Tchaikovsky swam through her ears and the pain came with it.

The truth was, while she though she had been dancing for the Bolshoi, she was actually being trained to be the ruthless killer she was. The various brainwashing sessions, the resistance against them, it was all part of the training. And it hurt. She could still feel the waves of electricity running through her body, she mistook the pain from dancing with the one from the brainwashing. Natasha closed her eyes for a second. And then the Swan lake suite sounded.

If she had to choose only one music to describe her entire life, it would be that one. It was so painful, so sad, but so beautiful. And, with every accord that played, she felt like there was a thorn inside her, stabbing her and cutting her so deep. There were tears in her eyes, there it was, she felt it all over again, the cold, the hardness of the floor.

She took a deep breath and stood from her chair. Natasha excused herself and left her place in the extremely expensive seats at the best box of the Royal Opera House in London. There was a small private room just outside it. She took some air and went back to the place where the ballet was being presented. Her seat was just by Steve's. He looked at her, his blue eyes held a question, 'was she okay?' Natasha glanced at him as if saying she as fine. He didn't believe her.

The ballet was over, it was time to socialize with the people there and get to the target. The long maroon colored dress gave her skin an ethereal glow, and in between fake smiles and laughs she shared with the rest of the guests, she could see one or two glaces of Steve, worry in his gaze. But she refused to let it get to her.

Sure, after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D they were way closer than before, but she still found it hard to trust him, maybe those trust issues wouldn't go away. Not now, not ever. Besides, the idea of having people in her life in which she could trust, was completely new to her, she had not yet grown used to it. She doubted she ever would.

By the end of the night, they had taken down the target, a general from hydra. All the way back to the hotel in London in the car, Steve whistled the suite of the Swan Lake ballet they had just watched. Natasha knew just how beautiful the song was, but it was so heartbreaking. She sobbed a little, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, just hints of them. She didn't let them fall, she turned away from him, refusing to let him see her in her fragile state once more.

“Steve.” She cleared her throat, “Turn left here.”

“What? But the hotel...”

“Listen to me, turn left here.”

He turned left where she told him to, allowing her to guide the way. She was taking them to her private apartment in town. It was one of her secret places, so she would ask him to drop her one block earlier and she would walk there, making sure he would sleep at the hotel. They were leaving in the morning anyway.

“Where are we going, Nat?” His tone was demanding.

“Somewhere.”

“No shit,” He cursed, it was a sign that he was comfortable around her, too comfortable, a feeling they didn't exactly share. “I know we're going somewhere, a more detailed description if you may.”

“I... You'll see when we get there.”

“Mysterious, are you?”

“You know me, Steve, always surrounded by mystery.” She smiled a little. He nodded in agreement.

Her smile widened, but she still felt an excruciating pain inside.

The air outside was cold and small snowflakes started to fall, slowly what were just a few of them gathering on the window became a storm. Since they were close to her apartment, she decided to let him stay. She decided on breaking her rules.

“This is my apartment. An old one.” She said as she unlocked the door. The scent she hadn't smelled ever since 1987 filled her nostrils and the nostalgia was simply overwhelming.

“Wow.” It was all he could say.

It was a very small place, but with a charming decoration, she dropped her bag on the nearest sofa and went into the room. Everything was just as she'd left it, nothing out of place, not even a particle.

“Steve, come zip me down, please.” She asked and lifted her hair.

“Sure.” He walked into the room and slid down the zipper, revealing her skin until her lower back.

“Thanks.” She dismissed him.

Then she put on some more comfortable clothes and went into the living room.

But it was all so familiar.

Steve looked at her from the couch.

Then he stood and walked to her.

“Nat, are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah, I'm fine.” She replied, but even she didn't believe in her words.

“Nat...” He walked towards her and she turned her back on him, doing her best to hide the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks.

“It's nothing.”

“Nat...” He approached even more, even though he knew he was stepping on dangerous territory, he still continued.

“Steve, I--” He wrapped his arms around her.

She struggled to get away from him, she punched him and kicked and smacked, but it was useless,

"Get away from me!" She yelled, she didn't believe herself worthy of that, she didn't think she deserved that,

her efforts were all in vain, he only held her closer to him. And when she finally gave up, she swore she could feel his heart beat.

Natasha started to cry. She cried, because of the memories, she cried because of where she was, because of the ballet, but, most of all, she cried because, for the first time in her life, she knew that there was someone there for her, someone in which she could trust. And maybe, she could grow used to that feeling.

When she was calm again, he looked at her, straight into her blue eyes and she felt like he was reading her soul. Then he kissed her.


End file.
